Rachel's Birthday

Smart, analytical, creative, shy, loving, curious, stubborn. These are adjectives that describe my first born child. From the moment that she was born and was placed into my arms, I fell in love all over again. It is these types of moments that stay with you forever. You savior them, roll them over and over in your mind, relive them in your dreams. But all of those adjectives described Rachel when she was a little girl and they describe her today. Today my baby turns 17 years old.

Although not quite a woman and not truly a child, she is caught in a strange and delicate moment of life. I remember when I was 17. I was scared of growing up because that meant that I would be leaving home soon -- the only place that provided me the safe feelings that you have while growing up. Although these are false secure feelings that your parents can solve almost any problem and a kiss on a boo boo makes the world a better place, the security that I was brought up on helped to make me the person that I am today. Hopefully, Joel and I have created that same security net that was always there for our children.

As I turned 17, I was still rebelling. The world was an angry place. There was a war going on a continent away but on the nightly news we heard body counts. I wanted peace, just like all of my favorite singers were singing about. I wanted my POW to return to his safety net. I was breaking up with a boyfriend because I didn't want to be anyone's girlfriend because it meant compromising my time to someone else and I wasn't ready. I was still retreating to my bedroom to lose myself in my music -- whether it was on the turntable and blaring out of my speakers or my own coming out of my guitar. I was getting ready to take my first SAT test. I was contemplating college. And, I was about to start to date Joel about six weeks later at Thanksgiving. I was recording all of my thoughts in a diary that is now safely hidden in my closet away from the inquiring eyes of my children.

So what is so different in Rachel's life at 17? The world is still an angry place with a war a continent away. We still hear body counts -- although now they are called "Troops." We don't wear POW bracelets, in fact we really don't hear about POWs in this war. Rachel retreats to her room, to her music, only now it is on MY guitar or one of the other four that belong to her! She doesn't have a boyfriend although I imagine that she would like one even though she doesn't like what it does to her girlfriends. She really hasn't rebelled at all towards us and that is a huge compliment to our parenting skills. She is about to take her first SAT test in three weeks. And, as for her thoughts, she is much more confident about herself than I ever was and she doesn't seem to need to analyze her thoughts and actions. Again, that is another compliment to our parenting skills.

My sweet child, almost woman, has been adaquately prepared to face the world. She has strong opinions, a great sense of humor, a love of the arts, an appreciation for history and trivia and is generally the type of person that everyone wants as a friend. However, she is an extremely private person and picks and chooses her friends carefully and then decides for herself whom she wants to spend her time with.

So to my Rachel, I wish you the happiest of birthdays. I hope that all of your birthdays will be as special as this one.