And So Another Year Comes To An End

As 2006 draws to an end, I reflect on what I have accomplished and what I hope to accomplish in the upcoming year.

As my friend Samantha suggested, I am drafting my personal goals here for what I want to achieve, independant of my job, my spouse, my children, my family. I have never done this before. Oh, I have made lists. In fact my entire life has been a series of lists. I LOVE to check items off of the list once I have completed that task. But I have never created a personal task list.

First, what have I accomplished this past year?

• Created and maintained a blog
• Traveled to Alaska
• Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner
• Gathered at least three times with my girlfriends to have a girls day to chat
• Abandoned my car and used Mass Transit to get to work
• Lowered and maintained my cholesterol

Okay, so what does this all mean? I have done something good for the environment, not to mention my soul by taking the Trolley to work. I don't deal with traffic or parking, and I have already read three novels. I did something healthy for my body by faithfully going to my doctor and monitored my blood levels. I did something for my mind by placing my private thoughts on digital paper and invited my family and friends to share these thoughts. I took time for Jody to rediscover who she is, not the mom or the wife, but the individual deep inside by talking with my girlfriends over glasses of wine. I proved to myself that I actually can cook if I want to and did it very well . . . with some coaching, but I did it! And last, but not least, I went 4,000 miles away from home and saw sites that were incredibly beautiful and completely unforgetable.

So what do I hope to accomplish this year?

• Establish a will
• Add funds to my retirement fund
• Start planning Adina's Bat Mitzvah
• Start taking dance classes
• Take Adina on a trip over the summer
• Explore photography more seriously
• Read one book a month

I may add to this list and I may edit it. It sounds ambitious at the moment. But it is a starting place. One thing that is bothering me is that it isn't completely about me. But that is the "Gloria" in me! I am always thinking of others.

Happy New Year. May we all find healthy, happiness and prosperity in 2007.

Happy Thanksgiving

Once again it is that time of year where we sit around and stuff ourselves with poultry and dressings and count our blessings. This year I am very thankful that I was able to cook dinner. At first I thought Joel was kidding, but when he told me that he had to work until 1 PM, I knew that it really was up to me.

Actually, it was supposed to be up to Rachel, Adina and me, but I was up at 6 a.m. drinking coffee and watching the news. So at that point I figured that I would just keep on going.

I started out by boiling water and sugar and adding in the three bags of cranberries. That took all of ten minutes. While that was cooking I stuck seven sweet potatoes into the microwave/convection oven for about an hour. Then I cut two butternut squash in half and placed them face down in about 1/2 inch of water and put that into the oven.

I started the pie. I had a pre-made crust and top, poured in the blueberry filling on one half of the pie and then chery filling on the other half of the pie and covered it with the top. That went into he oven with the squash.

Then I chopped up onions and celery and threw that into a skillet with oil and salt and sauteed that until the onions were clear. So far so good. No disasters yet!!

Then I browned the sausage in the same skillet. I poured the stuffing mix into the bowl and added boiling water, Bell seasoning, butter and the celery and onion mix with the sausages. When it was nice and moist, I scooped it into baking dishes and popped them into the oven to brown. When the butternut was cooked, I scooped them out, added in butter and pumpkin spices. That went into a chafing dish that belonged to Jill.

Then I sauteed garlic and minced almonds in a little bit of oil. I sauteed the green beans and mixed in the almonds. I peeled the white potatoes and boiled them. While that was cooking I scooped the sweet potatoes and mixed in a can of pineapple, just like my mom used to make. I set that aside for later. The marshmellos were waiting in the bag!

Everything was basically done. At this point of the day, I was hungry and Rachel was still sleeping and the Thanksgiving parade was still going strong! So I made some french toast with cinnamon and then woke up Rachel. Once we ate, I sent her off to clean the living room and Adina to clean the toilets. I really felt good about accomplishing this. I coordinated it all and it tasted great and looked good too.

At about 4 pm after I had cleaned up the kitchen and taken a shower, I sat down with a bottle of wine and read email. At 5 p.m. Yvonne -- my sweet Jamaican neighbor with the huge accent -- and my cousin Michael arrived.

It was a really nice evening. Later on Gary Gliboff and his son, Jonathan, showed up. Gary and Michael have been playing poker for years. Now that Michael is living in Florida, they miss each other.

So here I sit, it is midnight and I am way past tired, but Rachel wanted to watch Jaws -- but not alone. But my eyes are starting to slam shut. So, I am on my way to sleep, but knowing that I made a huge step today! I actually cooked Thanksgiving Dinner!

A New Era

My daughter is growing up and we are entering a new era. The teenage world has taken hold and we are deep into it now.

It started slowly. The preteen stuff like crushes on TV personalities and boy bands moved quickly into alternative music -- Say Anything, Deathcab for Cutie and Hello Goodbye. I am even impressed that I know the names of the bands and even one or two of their songs! Thanks to Sirius Radio and the Alt Nation station.

The cute little elementary schoolboy crushes have developed into dating. Do we let her get into a boy's car yet? NO! We make sure that we drive her to the location and pick her up too. It has created a whole new Saturday evening outing for Joel and me. We actually have to be creative to figure out what to do so that we don't end up driving massive amounts of miles.

One weekend we dropped Rachel off at the movies and then went to our friend's house and cooked dinner for her. Another weekend we dropped Rachel at her Homecoming Dance and we went out to dinner and then hung out at Border's under the dance was over. So this weekend we dropped her off at Revolution. A club where all of the alternative bands play. It was with a whole lot of trepidation that we did that. We walked across the street to the Las Olas Riverfront and went to the movies. Two actually. We saw "Stranger Than Fiction" (it was okay) and a Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival film -- "I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With" (this one was funny).

By this time it was time to pick up Rachel. As we walked towards Rachel and her friend, Andrea. I saw a spark in her eyes that I haven't seen since she was a little girl and set her eyes on the Christmas Tree and all the presents underneath. She was alive. She was hot and sweaty too, but she had such a great time.

It brought me back to the times that I used to go to the Nassau Colliseum to see Jackson Browne or Loggins and Messina or James Taylor or the Moody Blues. I used to feel that spark of excitement of seeing your favorite band of the month -- live, right in front of you! Okay, so the music was a lot different. But the premise was the same.

Yeah, my baby is growing up. She still has a long way to go, but it is fun watching the process.

Vinnie

When I heard the news, I was sad. Very sad that an era had come to an end.

Vinnie Pellizzi -- a man who enjoyed life immensely -- lost his battle with cancer this week. The funeral is today, in Queens. His family and friends will be there. My father will be there. I will not, but my thoughts are with him today.

When I first met Vinnie and Marie I was about to get married. That was in 1980. To me, at that point in my life, anyone who older than 30 -- was old -- and I didn't really pay much attention to what they did or what they were like as people. Or for that matter, I didn't even think that they too were young once and had hopes and dreams.

But meeting Vinne and Marie changed all of that for me. Vinnie was the first adult that treated me like an adult. He spoke to me on the level, not down to me. Marie, of course is another entire discussion. I love Marie and I could speak volumes about her. But today -- it is all about Vinnie.

Vinnie could instantly make my bad moods melt away. He would put a smile on my face with his incredible sense of humor, his silly jokes and his warm hugs. His stories were always relevant and fascinating. Even if he was telling me about his mother -- who came from as Vinnie put it, "From the Old Country."

We always would have our discussions over food. Whether it was a hearty Italian meal in a fancy, schmancy restaurant in New York or our dining room in Lauderhill, it was fun to watch Vinnie eat. He relished meals. And Joel's cooking . . . he adored Joel's cooking.

Once the girls were born, Vinnie would immediately become a child around my girls. He would sit on the floor and play games with them. Tell them stories. Keep them occupied so that I may eat my dinner before it got cold!

However, when Vinnie wasn't feeling well, he didn't want to be seen or see us. I guess he just didn't want us to worry or perhaps he didn't want to be seen as less than what he was.

So we haven't seen much of Vinnie in the past five years. But when we did, no matter how badly he must have been feeling, he always would dress impecably to take us out to dinner and put on a fabulous smile.

I will miss Vinnie, our discussions, our laughter, his stories. These are the memories that I will always treasure of Vinnie.

Hal and Gloria's Luncheonette

This was a short piece that I wrote for the Far Rockaway High School Web Site. Since I was thinking about my mom, I thought that I would post it here as well.
__________________________________

This photo was probably taken in the late 1940s or early 1950s. This is Harold Schain (or better known as Hal). He was my father. He and my mom owned the luncheonette on Far Rockaway Boulevard from 1947 to 1957. I am sure that there are many FRHS grads that remember skipping a class here and there and getting a soda or malted in that store!! In August of 1957 my father met his untimely death at age 33 in a two-seater plane crash. His passion was flying. I was born in October of that year. That's when Ellie and Phil purchased the store from my mom.

It is with mixed emotions that I write to you today. Sad because an era has come to an end and happy because I am able to share some photos with you.

In February (2003), my mother, Gloria, passed away. She was a Rockaway resident since 1947 when she and my father, Hal Schain, were married and made that move from Brooklyn to Far Rockaway. They purchased the luncheonette on Far Rockaway Boulevard and 25th Street and it soon became THE hangout of teenagers and the morning stop before the commute to business in the big city.

I know that I had sent a really wonderful photo of my father in the store. But the photos that I found this time are truely priceless.

These photos show the faces of the individuals that patronized Hal and Gloria's luncheonette. It is a freeze frame of a moment in time. Maybe you recognize some of these faces? Maybe visitors to the FRHS website will recognize themselves.

I would love to hear from anyone who does recognize themself and tell me their memories of my parents. As I mentioned in my previous email to you, my father, Hal Schain, had a love for flying and unfortunately lost his life doing what he loved in 1957 two months before I was born.

So just hearing bits of memories from anyone is gratifying and will be added into a family tree for my children so they can know more about their grandparents.

Thank you Skip for all you do for Far Rockaway HS alumni.

Jody Horne-Leshinsky
FRHS
1975

Simple Pleasures

Sometimes we forget that the simple things in life give us the most pleasure. This week was a long week for me. First I was getting out of a real deep funk from last weekend, then I spent most of the week counseling and disciplining some of my employees, then the rest of the time was spent in fixing problems.

After all of that, I came home on my trolley, I got to read my book for a good 25 minutes. Just a few minutes lost in someone else's world. Simple pleasures!

Then I picked up Rachel and headed over to the restaurant. We didn't even order food, Joel just brought out whatever he thought would be best. Simple pleasures!

Rachel and I spent the hour at the counter working on the crossword puzzle and almost finished it. Simple pleasures!

Robert volunteered to drive. Simple pleasures!

Rachel was going to the Homecoming Football Game at Nova High School. Then I had to pick up Adina at her girlfriend's house in Hollywood. Along the way, Robert and I felt like tourists looking at things along the way that we just never noticed before because instead of taking all highway, we took miscellaneous roads that we don't normally drive on. Simple pleasures!

Once we picked up Adina I suggested that we go to Jaxon's. Robert was floored at my suggestion because that would normally be a suggestion from Joel, not me! Once seated we chatted with the waitress and I found out that we shared the month of October with our birthdays and the sign Libra. So she brought out my ice cream with a sparkler as a candle and they rang the siren normally reserved for when someone orders the kitchen sink. Simple pleasures!

On the way back we picked up Rachel and headed bacl to the restaurant to pick up my car. Joel was STILL there cleaning up and rearranging stuff. Being alone in the restaurant, walkng down the long hallway where the restrooms are, I peek up at the photo of my mother in her uniform at the luncheonette in Far Rockaway (circa 1947). She is so young and innocent and not a wrinkle in her skin. Then I remind myself that today is her birthday. She would have been 80. Simple pleasures!

I am sure she is watching over me. Simple pleasures!

Moods

What affects a mood? Sometimes I can wake up in a great mood and it sticks with me all day. Other days, I can wake up in a great mood but an event, a comment or a stray glance can immediately affect my mood -- sometimes to a negative result.

Why am I so sensitive? I have always been this way. Even as a child, I was supersensitive to everyone around me. I see those same characteristics in Adina.

I have to work very hard at overcoming the emotions that come along with the swing in my moods. Sometimes I just give in to them and wallow in the negative emotions. It is these times that I just need to be alone to regenerate, relax and regroup.

We eat to nurish our bodies. We take vitamins to preserve our health. We take medicines to cure and prevent illnesses. So why can't we just take a mental health moment to heal our raw emotions?

When I take time for myself, I try to pamper myself in some way. A hot shower, comfy pajamas, scented candles, a glass of wine and a movie that takes my mind off of whatever it is that triggered my mood swing in the first place.

That is what I did last night. The best result is that I fell asleep at 10 pm and woke up feeling like a new person. I look back now and wonder why I felt the way I did. Where did those strong emotions come from and why did they affect me so deeply? Now it seems trivial.

But today, I can face the day with more energy, do whatever chores need to be done for the week and give my family the attention they need. If it means a mental health day, then I will just have to give in to those moments and heal myself.

Forever?

When we say, I do" I always thought it was forever -- for better and for worse. But the older I get, the more I see marriages fail. I remember that after a holiday party that we threw last year, we talked about how we were the ONLY couple at the party that hadn't been divorced, separated or remarried. It was a rude awakening.

Yesterday I recevied another jolt. I was teasing someone in my office about not wearing his wedding band -- something he does quite often -- and he responded with, "Haven't you heard?"

Well, the last time someone said that to me, the result was a horrible, horrible truth. The hairs on my neck stood up lthat time and told me that something bad had happened. The voice on the phone cracked and then announced that her husband had been in the first plane that entered the World Trades Center.

So you can only imagine what flashed through my mind before my office mate told me his truth. He had separated from his wife.

I really couldn't believe it. They seemed to be a perfect couple, living the suburban life with two cars and three kids. Wow. What a shock that was to me. But he said it is for the best for both of them, and so I told him good luck. My theory is that he is going through a mid-life crisis because he seems awfully happy-go-lucky about the situation. I can't imagine his wife is feeling the same, but one never knows. I believe it is ALWAYS the children who suffer the most.

So, I started to observe others yesterday. Thinking about their situations. Many people in my office are either single with no kids, divorced with no kids, married with no kids, gay but in long-term relationships or kids themselves. Out of 30 employees, there are only two that are married, together and have children, and I am one of the two!

Wow, those statistics are amazing. Are we a slice of society? Or are we the exception because we are in the arts?

Who knows. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that we are always true to ourselves and our feelings. We have to make sure that we are satisfied with our choices because life is WAY too short to make sacrifices that compromise our happiness.

Later in the day I had to attend a workshop at a museum that is located at the Hard Rock Cafe on the grounds of the Seminole Indian Reservation. My office mate and I decided to grab a beer before the workshop. As we sat there at the bar, his eye were wandering from female to female. Then back to me as though he was seeking approval. It was a weird moment, but hell, it is his life. So I told him to go for the classy one. But he just laughed it off and said no, not today.

So is love forever when we state our vows? Perhaps life clouds our true vision. Maybe we weren't truly in love because we were too young to know true love. Or perhaps we will ALWAYS have that love but need to fulfill other needs different than just love.

Whatever the case, I am happy that my forever hasn't worn off.

My Life is a Sit-Com

How can I describe my life? It is basically a sit-com. Like something you might see on television.

The things that happen in my life -- unless you were a part of my life, you just wouldn't believe it. I mean, it is okay, but I definitely have to have a sense of humor, otherwise I would be going batty.

I mean just yesterday there were several events that took place that you couldn't write to make them funny. They just WERE funny.

Like yesterday morning. I am sitting at my desk, talking on the phone and in walks one of my employees. So very proud of himself that he remembered that it was my birthday. There was a beautiful bag of gifts that he placed on my desk and since I was on the phone he decided to come back in a few minutes. While I was finishing the call, I was staring at the yellow mums peaking out of the shiny gift bag. I was trying to concentrate on the call, and the person on the phone was being VERY difficult. But I finally made it through.

So, when I was finished with the phone call, Jose came back. As I said, he was VERY proud of himself and he wanted me to open all the presents. Which I GLADLY obliged! I pulled the beautiful flowers out. Then there was a bottle of wine -- Cabernet Sauvignon to be exact -- very nice Kendall Jackson. That will be savored one evening after work as I settle down on the couch in the living room. Then a candle in a jar with a sweet scent called "Raindrops." He reminded me that there was a card in the bag.

I dug deep into the tissue paper to find the card -- as I opened it, I think my blood pressure went up a few notches (not really). It said, "You're Turning 50!"

I laughed really loudly. Jose, of couse thinks I am enjoying the joke on the card. little did he know that the joke was on him! I finally stopped laughing long enough to tell him that I am NOT 50 yet! I know he was disappointed because of all the cute sayings he wrote inside the card! Things like: You are exactly twice my age; and when you were married I was just born."

Oy vey, they really LOVE to rub in the facts! They don't have a clue how quickly it all goes. I was just their age yesterday.

Anyway, that wasn't all. Later in the day, I was sitting on the trolley heading home. My new-found buddy on the trolley, Gwen who works at Broward Community College, asks me if I know all the other people on the trolley. I said, no but I do recognize their faces. With that, Gwen announces REALLY LOUDLY, "EVERYONE . . . this is Jody and it is her birthday today. Let's say happy birthday and tell her your name!"

I really didn't want her to do that, but it was funny and sweet at the same time. So everyone yelled out, "Happy Birthday," and they all introduced themselves, one at a time. Suddenly I felt like I was in the TV show, "Cheers."

Then, even later in the day, I was sitting on the couch, waiting for Joel to come home. I still wasn't sure where we were headed for dinner to celebrate my birthday. So I just sat there with Rachel, playing guitar. Joel called about three times. Once to say happy birthday, he would be home soon. Once to talk to Rachel (I figured they were conspiring something). And the third time to cryptically tell me that he was trying despirately to ditch our neighbor so that we could have a family dinner outing.

Well, by 7:30 p.m. Rachel and I were still sitting on the couch. I was getting cranky and Joel had tried for three hours to get Robert to leave. Oh, if I didn't mention, Joel was at the restaurant finding "busy" stuff to do to try to buy time and get Robert to catch on that he was busy.

Robert just didn't get it. So, he came along. Now I felt like I was in the sit-com "Seinfeld."

No, we couldn't write these situations. They just happen to us. They make us laugh or they make us crazy.

It is much better to laugh.

Birthdays

Birthdays for me have always been special. I always look forward to October 6 with anticipation. It is the same feeling as Christmas morning (yeah, I know I am Jewish and not supposed to celebrate that one, but too freaking bad, I enjoy celebrations and if I choose to celebrate the Pagan holiday with the gift of giving . . . that is just my prerogative!). Anyway, back to my birthday!

I have always felt the excitement build as the days of the month of September slip away. The days get a little shorter, the rays of the sun are a bit dimmer in the late afternoon as I am on my way home from work and the mornings are darker and even a bit cooler (yes, even in South Florida folks!). And suddenly it is October. It is almost here!

Then the celebrations begin. Privately, in my head, I have been preparing myself by practicing the new number. That new number that will be my age for 365 days. So for 364 days I have been telling myself that as of October 6, 2006 I will be 49 years old. So when October 6th actually arrives, I won't be so shocked at the realization that I really am that old!

But the numbers aren't so important anymore. It is the decades that become significant! When I turned 20, 30 and 40 -- those numbers where critical. Next year -- 50 -- I will celebrate in a special way, not sure how yet, but I am planning to do something spectacular.

As a kid though, the numbers were extremely important. When I turned three-years-old, I remember it very, very well. I work my pink sleeveless dress with a pink satin sash tied at the back and a crinoline undergarment that made the skirt portion of the dress stick way, way out so it was like a ballet tutu! I wore my black patent leather Mary Jane shoes with the rounded toes and my four-leave clover gold charm on a gold chain around my neck. My hair, my signature hair, pulled way back into a very tight pony tail, so tight that it felt like a face lift (sorry Mom, but that is how you used to make my pony tail!!). I was sitting in a high chair at my Mom's step-sister's house (Marcia) in Brooklyn surrounded by my Mom, my Mom's step-mother - Grandma Norma, and some cousins -- Marsha and Dennis, sweet Dennis (how I miss him). The cake -- as always -- was a chocolate blackout cake straight from Ebinger's mmmmmmmmm. The best cake in the world for chocolate lovers. It was three, sometimes four layers of chcolate cake with frosting in between each layer and then all around the entire cake and then the frosting was sprinkled with some of the cake crumbled up. They always placed the plastic "Happy Birthday" thing on the top of the cake with the obligatory number of candles, with one to grow on!

Don't know why this memory is so ingrained in my memory, but it is.

But that is probably why I love celebrating my birthday so much. It is such a happy memory for me. Joyous times. It is a reminder of life and birth and family coming together.

So now, fast forward to 2006. The week of celebrations have begun! I now celebrate for more than just one day. I celebrate with friends. I celebrate at work with co-workers. I celebrate at home with my family. And, why not. It is just something fun to do. It isn't about presents. It is about the memories that are created in the process of celebrating. It is about the foods that we create to devour in honor of the celebration. It is about the photos that are snapped as a reminder of the good times that were had. So happy birthday to me! Thank you for celebrating with me!

My Favorite Day of the Week

It's Friday! YAY! Friday has always been my favorite day of the week. When I wake up on a Friday, I realize, wow, I made it through the week. I have accomplished a lot and now I am about to be rewarded with 48 hours of time for my family and myself.

As the day progresses, I secretly think about what I will be doing on the weekend. I am sure that I am not alone, but who cares. These are my thoughts and my words for now!!

I remember as a kid when the last bell of the school day on Friday rang, it was a total and complete relief. Whew! We are done. Hopefully there wasn't a mound of homework. I would be able to get out of my uniform (yeah, I was in a private school for a few years and we had to wear crisp white shirts and navy blue skirts that weren't too short-- fingertips had to touch the bottom of the skirt -- white knee socks and really ugly shoes that made my feet feel like elephant feet!). So the second I got to my bedroom, the uniform hit the carpet and on came the bell bottom jeans, ribbed knit shirt, earth shoes and thick, cushy socks. It meant the beginning of the weekend.

Of course, there were some Friday nights that my parents insisted that we attend West End Temple in Belle Harbor. Then I had to switch from the jeans to something a little dressier. At least until after temple. Then of course we had to mill around and I always ended up in the corner chatting with my cousin Roger. Back then it felt like he was such a little kid. Now, I feel younger than him! Sorry Rog!

But Friday always marked the beginning of something. I always spent Saturdays and Sundays at the Hartman Y with my friends, Susan and Laura and Lauren and Cindy. We were all members of the Hartman Y Players a local theater group. We learned about the creation of art, theatrical art. We learned how to sing, dance and act. We learned how to apply theatrical make up and wigs. We learned about stage lighting and creating costumes. My friend, Laura, was our pianist and she was GREAT at it.

We performed in "Fiddler on the Roof," "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum," "Little Mary Sunshine," "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown," "Guys and Dolls."

Our director, Jeffrey James, dedicated his life to the kids and this theater group. To this day, I really don't know how he did it. He gave us a huge love and respect for the Great White Way. And, he looked EXACTLY like Fred Astaire and he knew it and he danced like him too! He actually was an extra in one of Woody Allen's movies that was filmed in Far Rockaway.

So Friday back then meant that I had an entire weekend to spend with my friends, rehearsing and then performing our roles. Then we would end up at each other's houses for cast parties. Those were wild and fun. Never any drugs or alcohol, just pure fun. And that is how I met and got to know Joel. At these events. In fact, Joel was Tevya and I was Chava in Fiddler! So technically, he was my father?? Now how weird is that?

Anyway, way, way off the subject.

Today, Friday means that I can put on my black tank top and my flannel, plaid pants that tie at the waist with my sweat socks. Out come the contacts, off comes the make up, on go the glasses. I get to flop down on any available comfortable couch or bed and watch a movie or type away on this computer. It is my pleasure to unwind this way.

Of course, I am not a total shut in. I do get out with the kids and Joel. We go to the movies or shopping or sometimes I take the girls to the beach or pool. But mostly it is about have the choice to do nothing if I want.

So that is why Friday is my favorite day. It gives me the freedom to choose to do nothing!

Emotions

What triggers an emotion? A smell? A sound? A look? The human being is such a complex animal that we really have no clue when these emotions are going to hit us, or why.

I observe people on a daily basis to see what feelings are being emoted and how people interact with each other. Today I asked a question about emotions. I wanted to know why women sometimes (me especially) get so overwhelmed by an emotion that instead of being able to express the thoughts I am having in a calm and rational way, we (I) end up choked up and crying. Why? Why do I get so overwhelmed by my emotions that I can't talk?

It isn't too often, but when it happens, I feel so out of control. It is almost as if I have been transformed back to when I was a kid because the feelings rise up inside of me like a tidal wave and the more I try to contain the feelings, the more my voice trembles, the tears well up in my eyes and I can't concentrate on the words coming out of my mouth.

I was trying to explain today that it feels like another person is taking over the control of my body and I am stuck inside watching this all take place, almost like a serious, dramatic play and all I can do is let it all come out and then I can take over once again and be myself.

Why is it that men don't normally act like this? Is it hormonal? Is it just the way females are made? Are we supposed to emote like this? i suppose we are, because once the feeling has come and gone, it is like it never happened and we move on with where we were before.

It is a release of sorts.

Perhaps that is why women, in general, live longer than men? We don't bottle it all up inside and stress our bodies as much as men might be doing.

Well, that is my thought of the day. Nothing profound, just another random thought.

Mass Transit

I finally did it! I parked my car at the corner of Oakland Park Blvd. and 441 (there is a shopping plaza there), boarded the Sun Trolley, put on my headphones and cracked open the morning newspaper.

Instead of driving to work, I sat back and let someone else bother with the traffic. I didn't have to deal with seeking a parking space on the sixth floor of the parking garage and then walk two blocks to my office. I was dropped off on the corner of Andrews Avenue and SW 2nd Street, directly across the street from the Main Library.

I could actually enjoy this. The BEST part??? The Sun Trolley is absolute FREE! This is a pilot program of the Downtown Fort Lauderdale Transportation Management Association in conjunction with Broward County Mass Transit. I don't know how long it will continue to be free, and I don't know how often I will choose to take the trolley to work, but for now, I like the idea of it.

Now the downside . . . The trolley has wooden benches and is not THE most comfortable ride. The five or six people on the trolley all know each other and chat really, really loud all the way to work and home (okay, not a bad thing, it is kind of sweet that they have created this warm, fuzzy commuting environment. I am just not in the mood to talk that cheerfully at 7:20 a.m.). Once at work, I don't have a car and if I needed to leave fast, I would have to depend on someone to pick me up, so I would have to plan carefully in advance so that I don't NEED my car.

But, the cool thing is that it reminds me of when Rachel and I travel to other cities, we ALWAYS use their mass transit. We like to compare the cities we visit to the mass transit that is available. We want to get into the feel of the city and the only way is to surround ourselves with REAL people. REAL people use mass transit.

In Boston, EVERYONE uses the T (that is how they lovingly refer to their trains). It is a very simple system (check it out for yourself http://www.mbta.com/traveling_T/schedules_subway.asp). Also, EVERYONE riding the T is also reading a book.

In Manhattan, the subways and buses make commuting a breeze. Yeah it is cramped during rush hour, but you can get wherever you want. New Yorkers are not only reading, but they do it high tech! I saw a very orthodox man reading on his Palm, standing up and holding the hand strap with his free hand.

In Chicago, we stayed in the suburbs because we couldn't get a hotel room downtown. But we had fun taking the commuter trains. They were more like the Long Island RR. Cushy chairs, double decker cars, extra newspapers that everyone shared with each other. Rachel taught me all about how to read the baseball stats that summer! But the best part was connecting to the El trains and I felt like we were in Chicago Hope or ER!! We also took a train out to Salem and spent the day there. We loved the fact that we didn't need a car.

In Washington, DC it was a little more difficult. We stayed in the Adams Morgan area and had to walk about ten blocks to the Metro. When we took the trains, they were very easy to use, very, very clean and safe, however the stops were incredibly far apart and we did an amazing amount of walking. Cabs were necessary now and then for our very tired feet. But, we were able to get around very easily. Boston was still our favorite city with mass transit.

So back to mass transit here in Broward County . . . it isn't great, it isn't even good yet. But it is a beginning. At least they are trying. And at least they have convinced me to try it too! They have quite a long way to go. They have to convince 1.9 million people that it is okay to leave your car at home and interact with other residents. We are so used to leaving our air conditioned homes, to jump into our air conditioned cars complete with our satellite radio, cell phones, GPS and other gadgets that further isolate ourselves from our fellow Broward Countians to then go to our offices and plug ourselves into our telephones and computers and reverse it on the way home.

We have to learn the art of conversation, the art of looking into people's eyes when we talk and saying hello to our neighbors. Perhaps it all has to begin with mass transit?

Smokey

He's still got it!

Last night I went to see Smokey Robinson at the Hard Rock Cafe. The audience was a strange mix but there were still women screaming out, "Yeah Smokey, you sing it Smokey!"

The venue, not exactly the most ideal for a concert due to the acoustics or lack of acoustics, was small and fairly intimate. The hall seats about 5,000. Every seat was filled. The ushers had their work cut out for them -- a challenge because some of the patrons were a bit more frail than they are used to showing to their seat.

We sat in the front row of the second section on the floor of the hall. It was a great seat because we were on a small riser and there was no one in front of us to obstruct our view. But because we were on a riser, anyone that was coming in late or getting up to go to the restroom had difficulty in seeing the step up or down. The usher wasn't always standing there with her flashlight and many would trip or slip on that step. I grabbed many an elbow to steady that person during the concert. A bit of a distraction, but it didn't really bother me.

Out came Smokey in front of an orchestra (all local musicians!!) complete with a baby grand piano, a string and horn section on stage left; drums stage center; and additional instrumentals on stage right with his three back-up singers downstage right. Smokey was dressed in all grey -- shirt, slacks and jacket that were sprinkled with sequins. He just stood there smiling at the audience and they went nuts!!

Then I had to laugh because remember when we would light a match to get the mood right? Or to get the rock star to come back out?? Now everyone whips out their camera phone to take photos! So the dark audience was illuminated by a soft LED glow! that was really the only high tech thing about the entire evening.

At one point, Smokey went off to change into black slacks, white shirt, bright red jacket with a black sequined tie and a black handkerchief in his breast pocket -- look extremely dapper -- he sang standards -- Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc. With his falsetto voice still clear as a bell, Smokey hit every single note.

Then he launched into a medley of Motown hits -- which he wrote for greats like Diana Ross and the Supremes, Little Stevie Wonder, the Temptations, Marvin Gaye. The audience was rockin' and so was I.

So yeah . . . he may be 66 years old, but you would never know it by listening. You could have easily closed your eyes and believed that you were sitting in at a concert in the early 1960s.

Laughter

Children, on an averge, laugh 200 times a day. Adults laugh 15 - 18 times a day.

That is a pretty strong statistic. Laughter is healthy for us. According to the Discovery Health Website, when we laugh, "natural killer cells which destroy tumours and viruses increase, along with Gamma-interferon (a disease-fighting protein), T-cells (important for our immune system) and B-cells (which make disease-fighting antibodies). As well as lowering blood pressure, laughter increases oxygen in the blood, which also encourages healing."

So why don't we just laugh more as adults?? It is good for us. When something is good for us, we can endulge. Like eating healthy foods or getting more exercise. But sometimes we are lazy and just grab the first thing we can for our lunch or skip the gym because we are too tired from work or our long commutes in the traffic.

But laughter . . . it is readily available. We can chat with our office mates and tell a funny story or tickle our children and end up laughing ourselves or watch a television show that is a comedy.

Sounds good, but you can't force a laugh. Then it isn't the same thing. Or can you?

Last night I was watching "Dancing with the Stars" and they were talking about Harry Hamlin. They said that last week he was stiff and needed to loosen up. So they hired a "Laughter Yogi" to work with him and his dance partner.

They show them standing on yoga mats taking turns saying, "ha ha." They went around a few times, changing the delivery of the sound of the "ha" and by the second or third time, they were rolling on the floor hysterically laughing.

That reminded me of the game we used to play as children where we would place our heads on each other's stomachs and go around the circle one at a time saying, Ha." By the third or fourth person we were all laughing so hard we had to abandon the game.

Maybe we should all force a bit of laughter into our lives. It feels so good when you stop laughing.

Sometimes I start to giggle and then laugh when I am with my family. Then know the signs. Sometimes I just can't stop and the tears start to roll down my face and my stomach muscles get sore. But the laughing keeps on going. Anything can set it off again. Sometimes if I think about that situation the next day at work . . . I can start laughing for no reason.

So, go on and get out there and laugh. It is free, easy and healthy for you. Besides, it is just plain fun.

Here is a photo of me laughing at work with one of my colleagues!

I Love You

Such simple words, "I Love You." But why do we dole these three words out with such caution and reluctance?

It seems that the older I get, the more I am reminded, daily, that life is such a precicious commodity. In the news we read about car accidents, war casualties, illnesses. There is so much saddness in our lives, but yet we overlook the simplicity of three little words. Words that are so easy to say. It rolled off our tongues so easily when we were mere toddlers looking up adoringly into our parent's eager faces as we were learning difficults tasks that would carry us through our lifetime. Tasks like crawling, walking, feeding and dressing ourselves. Things that we take for granted now.

We would fall down and skin a knee and our mom would scoop us up and cuddle us and plant a kiss on our forehead, she would say, "I love you," and life would be wonderful once again.

Why can't we look at our spouse, our children, our friends and just tell them that we love them? Why is this such a difficult thing to say? Or perhaps, it isn't as difficult as it is simply forgotten.

We have become a society that is obsessed with our electronic gadgets, our mp3 players, our computers, our television sets, even our cars. We forget that the basic communication skills are sorely lacking.

I can see this in my employees that are of the generation Y. The children born of the 1980s. They were born into a world that was moving at a pace unheard of. Cell phone were coming of age. Vinyl records became antiques. Cassette tapes and VCRs were also quickly swept under the rug. These children didn't know how to go outside and play tag or jump rope. They lounged in their bedrooms playing videogames. They soon learned that the computer replaced verbal communication. It not only cut down on the time that it took to push the buttons on the telephone to connect to their friends, but now they connect to the entire globe.

With all of these choices, how can they be expected to focus on a simple conversation? How can they be expected to purchase a season's subscription to ONE theater company -- how boring!! Generation Y is a conservative bunch but yet needs a lot of nurturing.

How different it was for me growing up. This is the realization that I am of a different generation. I remember in the early 1970s when the question arose about whether or not there was a generation gap.

Well, of course there was. There is and there will always be. But why can't we just stop and say those three simple words, "I Love You?" It might make the generation gap a little less extreme.

9-11

I instisted that I wasn't going to watch any of the specials that would bring back the memories. But after I took a shower, flipped on the TV in the dressing area, poured my cup of green tea and sat down to put on my makeup, I had absolutely no choice but hear Matt Lauer say , "It is a somber day in lower Manhattan." As I turned my attention to the TV, Matt Lauer then took a deep breath and looked at the camera and I lost it. It was as though the past five years didn't even happen. I was transformed back to that horrible moment in time when America lost it's last bit of innocence.

I will always remember exactly where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with and what I was feeling. Just as I remember where I was when President Kennedy was shot and where I was when the Challenger exploded. Those life changing moments define a generation. Burns a memory into your brain with such precision that it almost hurts to think about it.

Five years ago, I was driving Rachel and Adina to school. I hear Matt Laurer and Katie Couric talking about an accident in progress. I heard their concern escalate. Joel kept calling me to tell me what he was seeing. I was getting more and more upset about what what happening. But I kept on driving. After I dropped the girls off at school I drove over to ArtServe for a meeting with Mary (my director) and my Cultural Information Center volunteers -- many of whom are transplanted New Yorkers like myself.

None of us could concentrate. We all wanted to call our relatives who still lived in New York. Mary tried very hard to keep the meeting moving, but no one was listening to us. Joel kept calling me to update me on the various events that were occuring at the Pentagon and then the other plane that might have been headed for the White House. Then he was describing the sickening site he was watching of the Twin Towers swaying and then ultimately falling. He was screaming all sorts of obsenities into the phone as he was descirbing these sites. Joel, was clearly shaken and was getting me equally as upset.

Finally, Mary got the call that the County was closing all public facilities and all staff should head home. It was a very scary feeling. Very helpless. Were we next? We sent our volunteers home. Everyone was hugging and crying. It was terribly emotional.

At 10 a.m. I went to school and quietly walked into the front office and just asked for Rachel and Adina. No one said anything. They just called the girls to the front office. I wasn't the only parent there.

I didn't even say a word to the girls until we were safely in the haven of our car and driving back home. Adina wanted to know why we were going home so early in the day. It took an ENOURMOUS effort to find my voice and the correct words to delicately tell my little baby girls what was happening in NY and Washington. The tears wouldn't come, but my throat hurt and my head was pounding.

Eventually, I did find the right words to tell them in simple terms what was going on. Rachel was 10 and Adina was six years old. It wasn't an easy task.

When we got home, we just huddled on the couch, the four of us. Just holding each other and watching the TV. We couldn't believe what we were seeing. It was completely surreal. We stayed there most of the day. I remember that I had expended so much emotion that I fell asleep as we cuddled there on the couch. I felt safe with my family with me.

All of those thoughts came rushing back to me as Matt Lauer let out that deep sigh. I just knew what he was feeling because I still feel it it too. It is hiding just under the surface always.

Jody Robin

So I saw a comment today about the name of my URL. Jody Robin. You wanted to know more.

Yes, that is me. For those of you who are not family, my Mom named me Jody after the little boy in the classic book, "The Yearling." The book, written by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, is about a boy who adopts a fawn as a pet. My middle name, Robin, comes from my Mom's mother, Rebecca. In the Jewish religion children are named after deceased relatives, but only the first initial is used.

When I was little, my Mom used to call me JR in a very loving, sweet way. If I heard "Jody Robin" I KNEW that I was in trouble.

One of my cousins, until the day he left this earth, would call me Jody Robin. No matter what! I would look forward to his annual phone calls on my birthday and other special occasions. I miss those phone calls. I miss his voice as I miss my Mother's voice calling from the other room. But I can still hear it very clearly in my head. That never leaves you.

Lazy Days of Summer

Not really a typical day today. Started at 6 am when I woke up and had to throw the covers off because Adina had climbed into bed at some point during the night. She radiates so much heat that I couldn't stand it and I was stuck in the middle. That woke up Joel and the two of us started to have a conversation. Well, my little princess didn't like that and started crying because we were bothering her precious sleep. Doesn't matter that her heat waves woke me up! Oh well. Such is the life of a Mom!

I guess I dozed off again, but at 7:30 a.m. I could hear Joel flipping through the Sunday newspaper. So I joined him in the den with my iced coffee (always start a day with my iced coffee!!). I actually made it through the entire paper before it was time to take Adina to Hebrew School.

So off we trekked to school. Joel in one car and me in the other. We followed each other to Sears because Joel needed new tires on his car. On the drive to Sears, I called my Dad to wish him a good trip. He and Elaine are off to Philly for 10 days for Stephanie and Rob's engagement party -- can't wait to hear about that! And Cyndi is going to be honored by the ASID.

Of course we didn't find what we wanted at Sears. They gave us attitude about the ad in the newspaper. They just don't know how to provide customer service and they don't seem to care either. So we left, turned around and came back to try one more time and left equally as frustrated. So we headed up to Tires Plus.

Bingo, they not only had what we needed, but they gave us several deep discounts, a free tire and great customer service to boot. Can't beat that.

So Joel and I headed off to do our Sunday morning shopping -- you know stuff like laundry detergent and toilet paper!! Didn't do the food shopping yet, but at least we spent the morning together.

When we arrived back at the temple to pick up Adina, I ran into Meryl and Elana. Elana was telling me all about how she was inspired by Rachel's driving yesterday and so she drove to the temple today!

Yes, it is true. Rachel is driving. It is such a strange feeling for me to sit in the passenger seat beside my offspring as she turns the key of the ignition and starts the car and pulls out into TRAFFIC!! My baby is driving on the dangerous streets of South Florida. How scary is that. Not because Rachel is driving, but because I now have to worry about her safety from the other crazy drivers on the road.

Okay, so she only has her learners permit. I have an entire year to get used to this notion. But still. Just five years ago she was ten years old and in elementary school. Ten years ago she was in Kindergarten and fifteen years ago she was wearing diapers. Oh I guess I am getting melodramatic here.

Later in the day we made another trip to go pick the car and I headed off to the gym. It was a lovely workout because instead of using the machines or the mats in the corner, I went into the aerobics room because it was empty and did some dance exercises. Boy am I out of shape in that genre, but I enjoyed it anyway. Some plies using the wall to steady myself. I even practiced attitudes and arabesques and turns. I had a bit of a giggle because as I was doing these exercises listening to James Taylor, Billy Joel and Green Day -- there was this guy in there practicing his jabs at the punching bag! What a dichotomy!

Well after about an hour and a half, I had more than enough. I treated myself to a nice soak in the whirlpool. When you break a sweat in water, you know it is time to get out! But I then treated myself to a few minutes in the sauna. At that point I REALLY needed a shower. When I looked in the mirror I had to laugh out loud because my face was so very red.

But I feel great. I am now sitting and sipping water waiting for Joel to tell us when dinner is ready.

And so another Leshinsky weekend comes to a close. I guess I started out this line of thinking saying that today was NOT a typical day, however, it became exactly that! A typical Sunday! Nothing terribly dramatic, but I like consistency. It is very comforting to me.

Another Saturday Night

So here we are, back home again. Me, sitting in the bedroom, water on the night stand, television providing a backdrop of white noise that I occasionally pay attention to, Adina watching cartoons in her room, Rachel working on MySpace.com and Joel in his icy cold cave of a den watching something on that televion.

We went out to dinner with Dad and Elaine and Gert to a pizza place on Federal Highway near the airport called Anthony's. They had the absolute BEST pizza I have ever tasted. Maybe I was really hungry, but this pizza had such a fabulous taste. It is a very thin crust, very little cheese, sweet roasted pepper, green peppers and mushrooms. Then it is cooked in a REAL brick oven. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I topped it off with a glass of red wine and the Marlins game. I couldn't be happier.

We had to leave as the Marlins went into the bottom of the 9th inning and the score was 3 to 3. That was not easy for me. However, we put the game on in the car, but I really couldn't hear because everyone insisted on talking over the radio announcers.

Oh well, the Marlins finally did win, but I missed hearing it! But Monday night, we will be going to the game and they will be playing my beloved Mets! Then I have a difficult time. I love my Mets, but I am loyal to the Marlins. I end up cheering for both teams and the girls yell at me to be quiet!!

All in all, it was a very nice day. I did start very early at 6 am when Joel left for work. I just got up and started moving and reading email and trying to catch up on all the things that have been hanging since I came home from Alaska. I do feel that I made quite a dent in my work. I feel more organized and I have delegated a lot of the work away to my staff. Now I just have to trust them to do the work that has been assigned.

Anyway, it is Saturday night, enough about work and more about relaxation.