My Head is Full of Nothing

Sometimes I feel like there is a whole lot of nothing going on in my head.

Yeah, I know that sounds cliche, but I have just come through a year of stress, a year where every moment was programmed with deadlines that had to be met. And then, the deadlines overlapped. There was no down time. Every moment had to count.

I learned, very quickly, how to get things done as efficiently as possible and to delegate what I couldn't possibly do myself.

Since January 25, I have had this feeling of unwinding -- different of course from unraveling which is a negative. But instead, I am learning to relax and let go. It is okay to read a book instead of reading email. It is okay to sit a glass of wine and put my feet up on the couch without feeling guilty that the laundry isn't getting done. I have been moving at a slower pace.

Then I realize that I am sitting in my car, on the trolley or standing in line somewhere and there is a whole lot of nothing going on in my head. No particular thought pattern. Just observing the world without judgement or though processes.

It is a good feeling. I have been able to let go a bit. The world will exist without me making lists and checking off what needs to get done.

Of course, I still make sure that the bills are paid, the laundry is washed and folded, the house gets cleaned, the girls get to wherever they need to be, I get myself to and from work and get the work done. That hasn't changed.

What has changed is the urgency inside me to make it all happen faster. There is no sense of urgency now.

I feel that I have more time, although in reality, no one has more time. It is just how well you manage your time in order to allow yourself the time to relax, or go to the gym, or to the beach.

So, for now, a whole lot of nothing in my head is a good place to be. Just in time for my vacation next week with the girls.